Crying over a silly thing like lovesickness
by lilylou101
Summary: Lily finally realises James has matured but will she admit she's fallen for him? LxJ FLUFF


**im having a total wriiters block right now, have no idea how to continue my other story **_love just a 4 letter word_** so feel free to add some ideas in reviews:-) ( if you've read my stories) so this is just a little one shot that actually turned out to be a very long one shot:-)**

**its a Lily James, so read,review and enjoy!  
**

Crying over a silly thing like lovesickness!

I was lying in bed awake, I couldn't sleep(again).

All the other girls in my dormitory were all ready

Sleeping(I mean obviously, it was 2.07am),lucky them!

But nooo,I had to be an exception in practically_ Everything_!!

1:I was a redhead!

That had cozed me a lot of emotional and physical pain (I'm seriously not kidding)in primary school ;also, in my first Hogwarts year a certain boy had always teased me about having hair like a fire ball and had pulled a few pranks on me-

I should normally hate that certain boy for making my first two years at school miserable because of all those pranks and my next four years even more miserable because of the "wanting to go out with me" incidents. I'm emphasizing the plural now coz he had asked me out every second day!-and I did hate that certain boy until the end of last year, but-

Well yeah ,that brings me to point number

2:James Potter had had to chose me to fall in love with and stalk me and flirt with me until my 6th year and I had always hated him , he had been so stuck up and arrogant and ego-maniac-ish(OK so that's not a proper word, so what ).And then, in 7th year, he had been made head boy(another thing I used to hate about him ,he got Os

in every thing –with out learning!!!)and I had been made Head girl so we had to spent a lot of time with each other.

And I had realized, that he had changed-well he was still causing mischief and mayhem etc. etc.-but he had grown up. He was more mature now-and he had stopped asking me out!

A good thing I first thought.

Well ,I thought wrong. On the first head boy- and girl meeting we had discussed every thing we needed to discuss: the patrol walks and the future meetings.

Sounds ok, doesn't it? Well ,it wasn't a particular bad meeting I admit , but that night we had agreed to be friends(which is more evidence , that he fell out of love with me!)and I had realized, that he had been so kind and … and… well… words can't really describe it. After a few more meetings (and walks to classes and hanging out in the common room learning potions together…)I think I kind of

Started to like hanging out with him. You know, I started enjoying myself. And as much as I would like to deny it,

After nearly 4 months back in school and seeing the" new "

Potter ( you could also call him the " not-asking-lily-out-and-becoming-more-mature-potter)I think –now don't laugh at me –I kind of ,well ,like him more than just a friend now(**blush**). I mainly noticed ,that I … erm…liked him, because ,for example :

1:I laugh at all his jokes now ( which I normally would most definitely NOT have laughed at ).

2:I catch myself staring at him during classes , or at dinner( which I hope he hadn't noticed yet).

3:I find his hair –ruffling(you know , when he drives his hands through his hair ,making it even messier than it was before)kind of sexy now-oh don't laugh at me!!

4:I never knew he had such beautiful eyes, I always feel like I'm about to faint when he looks at me with those hazel eyes now .

5:I forget every thing and every one around me when he accidentally brushes my arm with his during potions , whereas he doesn't seem to feel nervous around me at all anymore !!!sigh!!!

6:I get the typical butterflies in my stomach(I know , so cliché)- all though it's more like elephants !!

7:And to top all of that – I feel like I could kill all of the girls who talk to him, no, scratch that ,I mean LOOK at him.

And that are a lot of people!

So falling for James Potter has slowly turned me into a brutal maniac and I feel terribly guilty for thinking of all those ways to hurt those innocent girls(all though Keira

Johnson was not that innocent , she was definitely making a move on him and I'm not even sure he turned her down, that bitch! So sorry for my foul language. )

But the main part I was awake at 2.21 am ,is because I was once again thinking of the unfairness in my life ; well actually it is my own fault, really.

It's simple:

James Potter liked Lily Evans.

Lily Evans hated James Potter.

Lily Evans likes James Potter.

James Potter just wants to be friends.

(or at least that's how it seems like to me!)

WHY did he have to be SO damn difficult?!?!

I don't know if my thoughts had drifted away into a dream(probably), because I suddenly heard someone yell.

I think it was Alice. I slowly opened my eyes. Gosh. I had spent all last night thinking about Potter ,even in my dreams he had appeared(trust me ,you do not want to know what happened there!). I sat up straight and pulled back my curtains. Alice was just slapping Mel in the stomach; they were probably fighting about their clothes again –which I so don't get!!- (they had once agreed ,they would share their nicest clothes-which is even stupider-,so they didn't have to ask to lend them the whole time and it would stop the bickering, yeah right)

After a few moments the fighting stopped , which was when they first noticed me.

"Oh ,morning Li-whoa….gosh… what happened to you?!"

Alice stared at me with wide eyes, she looked rather shocked. I got up and went into the bathroom. As I looked in the mirror , I almost "whoa-ed" myself. My hair was really ,REALLY messy – it was quite similar to Potter's right now (hell ,I have GOT to get over that boy, it's starting to drive me mad!!!!!)and I had deep ,black rings under my eyes (I'm serious, I could go through as a vampire- ok , I'm exaggerating a bit but it still looked worse than usual .)and the worst part: you could RALLY see that I've been crying !!Damn!!

I went back into my room and got dressed quickly .I held my head under the water for about a minute ,and I looked kind of awake , but I still used a little cover-up make-up before going down for breakfast.

I had put my hair in a pony tail because I'd been to lazy to comb it ( it really HAD been a mess).

As I sat down at Griffondor table ,I noticed me staring at Potter again , who was sitting 'bout 10 seats away. He looked around and before I could turn away , he noticed me staring and put that Potter – grin on his face, which made him just SO sexy(why did I always get so weak? )."Hey Evans" he called . He would have normally said more ,but we were –luckily-sitting too far away from each other .

I could still see , by the look on his face , that he would have just loved to say some smart comment about me gawking at him , and I looked down on my plate and blushed .

Of course I had blushed because of those hazel eyes staring at me again, but it also mixed with anger. I just knew that he wanted to humiliate me into me saying ,that I liked him.

Sometimes I think he was onto me , but then why didn't he just ask me out? I would probably have to say no ,if I didn't want to embarrass myself completely-maybe he just playing games- , but he 's not asking me out so he obviously DID fall out of love with me , but then – arghh!!! Didn't I just have that conversation with myself yesterday?(I know , that sounds funny , right?)

"Lily , are you all right? You seem … weird today "

Alice looked at me, she was obviously trying to say this in nice words with out insulting me but I could see she actually looked quite worried.

I noticed that I had been staring down on my plate holding my piece of bread just before my mouth(my mouth also open , which caused me to drool ,just a tiny little bit)but not biting in to it.

I sat up straight and calmed her down ."yeah…yeah… 'course." she didn't look convinced so I tried again ."look,

Alice , I just didn't get a lot of sleep last night … kind of tired. But I'm ok ."

She still had a look of concern in her eyes ,but turned away and started conversation with the others. I would have normally joined in , but I was just too tired .Bet ya I'll fall asleep in Divination, first 2 lessons. Joy. The first time I've ever looked forward to a class with P. Trelawney. I'm really starting to appreciate , that she is a git in teaching.

That after noon I wasn't as tired any more ( mind you ,I really did fall asleep in Divination).

Once all the lessons were over , Alice, Mel and I made our way back to Griffindor common room. "Hey , Lily when's the next Hogsmeade weekend ; you and Potter were supposed to plan it , right?" Mel was really looking forward to Hogsmeade , she was still desperately hoping Amos Diggory would ask her out.

"Yeah , we're doing that tonight."

Damnit , I had totally forgotten about the meeting. My day just keeps getting better and better ,right?

I knew why Mel was looking at me a little startled though, I normally was a lot chattier than this, but I just wasn't in the mood for talking today.

So after I'd done my essay for Defence against the dark Arts I made my way to Head room.

I climbed through the portrait hole and saw Potter sitting on the couch and smiling at me with a crooked smile –I hate him for being so handsome.

"Hi " was all I could get out.

I sat down on the couch opposite his and his hazel eyes locked with mine. " Hey Evans. So about Hogsmeade…"He stopped talking and looked at me while raising an eyebrow. I took notice of me staring at him with my mouth open ( again)and I blushed, looking away, embarrassed. I tried ,not to make any eye contact with him again. And throughout the evening I reallytried to listen and add my ideas , and participate in this meeting but I just couldn't concentrate with him staring at me and smiling his oh-so-beautiful-bloody-potter-smile, so technically it wasn't my fault.

"Evans? Evans?!… Lily?" I looked up when he said my name ( my real name , he's never done that before ) .

"What ?"

" What's wrong with you ?"

I'll tell you what's wrong with me , you loved me for nearly seven years and asked me out daily and when I start liking you ( gosh I know it's a bloody understatement, all right??!!) you don't have the guts to ask me out just once???!

" Nothing" I tried to say calmly although I could feel the heat burning up in my face in anger.

"Lily…" there it was again , his voice so sweet when he said my name." I know something's bothering you I'm not stupid"

That's kind of the problem ,you git , if you were stupid I wouldn't be head over heels in love with you , obviously!

"There's nothing wrong with me … James"

He smiled when I said his name.

"Lily…" now he was definitely playing some sort of game.

"Why…are you staring at me with your mouth open and…drooling?"

He was trying really hard not to laugh now.

I quickly looked away and thought of some answer that wouldn't sound too dumb.

" I wasn't staring at you and I most definitely was not drooling… James"

I know , not the best answer when you know perfectly well he's right, but at least I was also playing his weird game. However you play it. (??)

"Lily…" Now he got up and walked over to my couch and sat down on the edge of it. It made me even more nervous.

"You know I'm right, right?" He grinned at me which caused me to blush ,once again. I think he knew he was winning that game." So …" But I didn't let him finish, I interrupted him by saying the first thing that popped into my mind.( It really wasn't my fault , I swear, he makes me talk crazy with him sitting so close to me.)

"Shut up , Potter and use your lips… " The rest of the sentence I spoke into the sleeve of my sweatshirt(which was supposed to be: "for something useful", which is why I had covered my mouth in time ,thank god!) I can't believe I just said –or wanted to say-something like that, I had just thought it and somehow the words had come out of my mouth!!! Bad, bad brain. I hope he hadn't a clue of the first part of my sentence. Please. I'm begging.

"What was that you wanted to say ?" He demanded with a grin.

Hell.

What now?

I took my sweatshirt out of my mouth and blushed.

"I said …" Help , I don't know what to do.

" Shut up Potter and…"

I'm dead , what do I say?

" use your lips to… add some ideas for the Hogsmeade weekend."

I said hesitantly and slapped myself mentally. It was perhaps the dumbest thing I had ever said in my entire life. And he probably thought so too, coz he laughed and shook his head, then looked at me.

"really , Lils?"

and once again I said the first thing I thought of .

"Don't call me that"

Ok, not the best thing to say ,but you gotta admit ,its not nearly as embarrassing as the one a minute ago. Honestly.

And he just laughed .

I hate him.

How dare he laugh at me?

But now he's smiling at me in that innocent way.

I was wrong I love him.

"Lily… " He moved even closer to me on the edge of my armchair, which I didn't think was possible at first, and put his head level with mine. I could feel his breath on my face , which was causing me to breathe heavily , if I didn't want to hyperventilate.

His face was only inches away from mine and I felt the sudden urge to hug him and snog him – I could barely control myself.

So I put my one hand in the other and held on tight , and I bit my lip.

He didn't say any thing and I wasn't sure if he was going to finish his sentence or just look at me until I went berserk.

I wanted to help him out and say : "yeah? " or "what?" but all that came out was :"ywhggh"

I think I actually turned redder than my hair that one time, and he just smirked again.

Damn him!

I turned around and faced the door.

Maybe I should just make a run for it .

I should just run out of this damn room and say I had to go to the loo and just… don't come that could work.

Just as I was about to get up , a hand touched my chin and James turned my head to face him. And let me just tell you that I completely and utterly melted away ; my skin tickled where he had his thumb and my green eyes locked with his hazel ones.

I closed my eyes ,if he didn't want me to attack him any time soon and he stroked my skin. It felt good .Too good .I was going to get weak and just… I dunno … tell him I love him or some thing and that would be embarrassing if he didn't love me back.

But what if he did love me back?? I mean the way he was treating me right now -

But then he took his hand away and sighed and I felt disappointment creep through me.

"Lils , look at me." He said in a calm voice. I opened my eyes and he looked at me intensive .

And before I knew ,what was happening , I yelled at him, probably coz he had took his hand from my face and had sighed( did I mention I have an anger management problem ? And it hits a nerve when it comes to Potter, I'm very touchy. But it's just coz I imagine him kissing me and then he just gives me fake hope while stroking my face and then just SIGHS?? That sentence sounds so pathetic I could get angry at me for getting angry at something like that. I know that's all very stupid, but its James we're talking about here he makes me go bananas) anyway ,back to the point ,I started yelling at him for no particular reason, I just lost my control:" I said don't CALL me that." He looked taken aback at my sudden mood changing and sat back a bit again.

And even though its my own fault , I felt like I'd just ruined the tiny little chance there was left for us to be more than friends.

I felt the tears sparkling in my eyes and looked away before James could see them but too late.

He moved closer once again but I wouldn't play his stupid game so I got up and walked over to the door of my room.

On the other side of the door, I fell into my bed and burst out crying .

I tried to flash back what had happened-the one minute it had been almost perfect, I thought maybe he did have feelings for me , but then he had taken his hand back and sighed almost in an "I feel bad for her , that she likes me more than just a friend and I don't like her back but I should probably take my hand down before she thinks I care about her" kind of way.

And I know it's really , REALLY stupid to be crying about something so … pathetic , but I felt like it was my confirmation , that he doesn't have feelings for me.

I think I must have drifted away into sleep again because the next thing I knew the sunlight woke me up.

I had slept in the Head room crying my heart out over Potter the second night in a row.

I realized it was a Saturday and I didn't have to go to classes-yay-so I decided I was going to cry a little in my bed and pity myself in this situation and then maybe get dressed and go down to breakfast- or perhaps lunch since it was now already 1pm. Wow, lovesickness turns you into a long sleeper.

But I wasn't in the mood for crying anymore so I got dressed and headed towards the door of my room.

In the Head common room I saw James sleep on the couch-he looked sooo adorable- and then I reminded myself, that he didn't love me and my mood got- if possible- even worse.

As I climbed through the portrait hole – a little too loudly I might say- I heard Potter jump and fall off the couch. If I hadn't been in such a miserable mood I might have laughed.

But then he saw me and I disappeared ,he quickly made his way after me. The halls were deserted, everyone was probably eating lunch.

I ran as fast as I could and hoped ,that his Quidditch trained body and long legs couldn't keep up with me -yeah, keep dreaming ,Lily.

Too soon I heard footsteps and his voice calling after me.

"Lily "

He was directly behind me now and I stopped and turned around .

"What?" it sounded a lot harsher ,than I had meant to say it.

He also stopped ,and didn't even pant ,unlike me.

Damn Quidditch.

He walked close to me and I couldn't stop feeling nervous and becoming jelly-legs .

But instead of an answer , he just took a step towards me and another one and one more.

And even though I tried to tell my feet to move ,they wouldn't listen to me.

He was finally so close that our faces were only inches away from each other and I could feel his breath hit my face, again.

He leaned down a bit so that his face was directly in front of mine." What was all that about." ……………

"Yesterday" he added as he saw my puzzled look.

I couldn't tell him ,he'd laugh at me.

But I wanted to tell someone ,I was gonna burst if that would not happen soon.

"I…"…didn't know what to say.

I mean I couldn't tell him about my weird freak-out yesterday, because he took his HAND away and SIGHED.

That WOULD sound weird.

But before I could think of anything else to say ,he pushed me further back so that I bumped into the wall.

And he pressed his body ever so close to mine , his hands curled in fists, leant against the wall behind me; one on my left and one on my right.

I suddenly felt dizzy.

His lovely scent was affecting me.

I felt like I was about to faint.

And as if he knew, I couldn't steady myself alone, he put his hands around my waist now and moved EVEN closer( I honestly do NOT know ,how that was possible!):

"Yes …?"he muttered.

And before I could stop myself I mumbled :"I lov…"I stopped in mid-sentence, realizing what I was about to say.

Why do I never have any control over what I say?? WHY? Answer me!! Please?

"Excuse me …I didn't quite get that ."

he whispered under his breath again , putting a strand of hair behind my ear( of course his other hand was still around my waist , other whys I would've fallen over already ) .

"Nothing …" I managed to say, but my voice cracked.

"Lily ,what the hell was up last night ,you can tell me, you know?"

And then I just burst out talking , in a quiet voice ,barely over a whisper, but still full of tears.

" I …just…you were… so close and then you… sighed…and …I lost control like that one time when Keira Johnson talked to you and…"I hadn't wanted to mention Keira , but I guess I was a bit jealous of her , and I blushed.

As I looked into his eyes ,he actually looked taken aback and I had no idea why.

"Lily Evans are you…jealous?" he asked with a sudden grin on his face.

I nodded.

I don't know why.

But I did.

Great.

Now he knew how I felt about him.

But to my surprise he still smiled.

And pushed his body EVEN CLOSER to mine(????)and stroked more hair out of my face.

And then ,real slowly, he pushed his lips on to mine .

First I was frozen and didn't know what to do.

After two seconds or so I returned the kiss.

He practically slammed me against the wall while the kiss became more passionate , his tongue searched for an entrance in my mouth, I opened it and groaned into his while his tongue drew little circles in my mouth. The kiss became wilder and wilder by the minute, him pushing me against the wall ,his hand sliding down my waist ,leg and up again ,his other hand pushing me back. My hand was in his hair , messing it up even more, my other hand was pulling him close to me and still the kiss went on .It became slower and less wild until he pulled away, gently.

"So what was that you were gonna say before?" he demanded out of breath, speaking into my ear.

"I love you" I said without hesitating and I saw James smirk, before he gently kissed me again .

"OI!"

We abruptly broke apart(his hand still around my waist, and me still slammed against the wall, no doubt, I looked worse than a mess)and looked around to see Sirius stand there.

He looked rather annoyed ,but grinned a sec later: „Having fun?" he asked sarcastically , raising an eyebrow.

It didn't seem to bother James , I on the other hand was blushing. "Seemed a lot like it, by what I saw." He answered his own question. How much had he seen? Goodness, I don't want to know. Still smirking, he walked past James, patting his back. "Bye Lily darling." He called and walked away. Now, I was aware of this situation here again.

Although a minute ago I had just admitted I loved James Potter and kissed him, panic overwhelmed me now.

Did he actually love me ?

He hadn't said so.

He could just be playing with me.

"Do you love me?" I asked before I could stop myself and regretted it already. I mentally slapped myself and I blushed and looked down.

He leaned in closer again and whispered:" Lily I have loved you ever since I first saw you. I have waited for this moment for years."

He gave me his sexy potter – smile and took my hand .

"Now ,how about some breakfast, Miss Evans?" he asked pulling me forward .

"I'm not sure if it's not over already but I'm sure we're there in time for lunch."

I gave him a huge smile.

"So does that mean , we're a couple now?" I looked at him , a little nervous.

He stroke my hand with his thumb , turned around and gave me a quick kiss on the lips.

I took that answer as a "yes" and couldn't help but smile.

The end

**blahhh...**

**so drippy, ahhh...**

**hope you liked it though...**

**its a little dramatic:-)**

**like with the whole "incident" with him taking his hand down...**

**very stupid, i know, couldnt think of anything better...**

**R&R**

**thanks:-P**

**Lilylou  
**


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